I did it! I ran my first 5K!!!

I didn’t mention it last week to any of you because I wasn’t sure if it was going to be raining or not and, also I was a little nervous but I officially ran my first 5K this past weekend!!! It worked out perfect because the race was in our home town and my husband was able to do the event with me. The night before we received our packets and our shirts. Now when signing up for the race I thought we were just going to be getting regular t-shirts but we received really nice dry-fit running shirts. I had asked for an X-Large, but when looking through our goodies I realized I got a Women’s X- large and just by looking at it I knew what the results would be. Now the shirt did fit, but it was a little too snug for comfort to be running in. I didn’t want to be self conscious the hole dang run pulling down on my shirt. I don’t know why I let it bother me but it did. For a moment I felt discouraged, and starting letting my mind go wild with thoughts that I would be the fattest girl out there running, and the only one who can’t wear the shirt… I let this get to me till I made my stomach ache. Finally I said screw it, this is what it’s all about…. I have to learn to push those thoughts of doubt out of my mind and move forward.

So the next morning I woke up early so I could get a breakfast, bath and time to get my nerves out of my system. I kept feeling ridiculous because I was a combo of anxious and nerves. On one hand I was excited but on the other I didn’t know what to expect.

When we got there for the most part everyone was already lined up and ready to go. My husband moved us to the end of line to be polite so we didn’t cut in front of anyone, and then we were off….. well everyone was moving but were at the very end. Once we got on the road and everyone started getting set in their pace we started trying to pass all the walkers. I was a little frustrated at first because some people just would not let us through, so it made it a little difficult to pass them. It was about a mile and half in that we finally got passed all the walkers. I then started to focus on my stride and just enjoy it. It was a beautiful day out and I was getting the opportunity to accomplish so much at just one time. Here I was running my first 5K and getting over my fear of being red faced and sweaty in public! And you know what I loved it!

My husband was amazing through the whole thing. He could have left me but he stayed by my side. At one point we were in direct sun, and it made it really hard to see so he got just ahead of me to block it and reached over and held my hand for just a brief second. He never said a word, but it was so comforting to know that I have that kind of support. We had a pretty easy layout to run, you know we live Texas pretty much everything is flat, and I know these roads…. I drive them every day, so I knew there were no surprises……but wow I forgot about this tiny little bridge. I mean it isn’t anything, but as we started to approach it in our third mile I started slowing up. My hubby went into coaching mode and told me I couldn’t stop till I reach the top of it. He kept saying to me not to slow down, just to keep going. Well once we got on it I kept going. Going down was the best part, not only was it easier, but I saw the finish line! Finishing at 40minutes and 17 seconds I felt so pumped, that I did it. No passing out, no cramps, no crying, I pushed myself to a new place and am now just excited to see what other first I can accomplish!!!

Baby Got Gap

And I’m not talking about in between my teeth people! I’m talking about at the back on my jeans. Well really they are big all over. If it was back in the 90’s I would be in style because my crotch is sagging to my knees. I am officially out of a size 18 and even some on my 16s are too loose. Though I can fit in some 14s, not quite there yet…. very unflattering, but I’m on my way. I love being able to see progress in other areas other than just the scale.

Another area I see improvement is my endurance and ability to complete activities. I will hopefully be sharing some good news with all of you on how I plan on testing that this weekend.

Yesterday was a busy day for me. My hubby and I got up early and ran 2.5 miles. We both had to get ready for work, or we probably would have walked for a few miles too but the run in itself was a really good start to the day. It made me realize how much I miss working out in the morning. I love having that energy that last all day. I also have noticed for me if I start out making the right choices at the beginning of my day I continue to do so through-out the day.

In addition to my run yesterday, I decided to go for a bike ride in the evening. Didn’t have a destination in mind, I just wanted to get out and go. I was given this bike from a friend and it is a mountain bike, good quality and it does well on the road….. especially the roads in my town (the dang roads are so bumpy I feel like I’m on trails). The only thing is, it really is hard to find the groove and get that speed that I’m starting to really want, but last night I really pushed it. I was pushing, and sweating and just enjoying being out in the evening air. It started to get really dark on me and on my way back home I went through some areas that are really heavy with trees and not a lot of light. A few times I felt like I should slow down a bit since it was beginning to be difficult to see the road, but I was really enjoying my pace and the burn so I kept going. I was trucking along, jamming to my tunes and then suddenly there was a visitor that appeared that demanded to have the road in front of me…… he just stood there, armed and dangerous!!!!!

I found out very quickly that I have really good breaks on that bike. He was so damn close I swear he was maybe a foot or two away from me. All I can think of was “oh my, this stupid thing is going to spray me and I will never get the smell out of my hair.” Any of you that no me and my hair you know that I have some fierce lions mane and that kind of stink will just marinate up on my head. So I just stayed there perched on my bike pleading with this little guy to please keep rolling………… well apparently I was dealing with a grandpa cause he took his sweet time getting across the road. I felt like it was his way of saying “slow down, you damn youngster you are going too fast.” Well what felt like minutes of swallowing my heart beat in my throat he finally went on his way. Did I learn my lesson?………….Nooooo……. are you kidding me, I went even faster I was trying to get out of there. I ended up going a total of 8 miles on my bike, and grandpa sure did help get my heart a going!

Well everyone have a great weekend!

No Longer Going to Hide

In the past two years I have stopped and started this weight loss attempt several times. One reason or another I would talk myself out of success. You know what I’m talking about out there…. I would work real hard for about a month or two and then get all pissed off because surprise I’m not at my goal weight yet. It’s not fair I’m watching what I am eating and working so hard and it feels like nothing is happening so screw it pass me the cheeseburger, with fries, and might as well throw some chili and cheese on it too… hey is that pizza?

This routine became all too familiar for me. Usually a different excuse but ended with the same results, just a variation on the menu.

It comes to a point of how bad do you want it? And then what is it they you really want? Yes, I would like to be a smaller size and I want to feel sexy in my own skin, but I want the freedom of living a healthy life. Heck I just want to live my life again. I don’t know what it is about putting on weight but it has held me captive for far too long. I use to be so outgoing and ready and willing to try new adventures but now it’s an effort for me to leave the house. We get invited by friends and family to partake in activities but I usually want to back out because I am worried at being secretly judge for the way I look. If it’s not worry about my appearance it’s my ability and the discomfort of a particular activity that discourages me. I realized about a month ago I am so conscious about my size when I walk into a room I size up the place so to speak and in my head map out the perfect route so I am careful not to bump into anything or anyone. I feel like I have been playing Hide and Seek, but haven’t begun searching for myself yet.

Well something snapped inside of me about two months ago that this cycle has to stop and day by day I am learning to love who I am no matter where I’m at on the scale. I’m not saying that I am settling and that I’m going to continue to let myself become larger but I’m no longer putting myself down for getting this way either. Instead I am letting this fuel my desire to get back to a place that I wasn’t too scared to greet the world. I now see that the enemy had used this to be a strong hold on my life and I am NO longer letting him have that position over me.

Instead, I’m using my body for what it is intended for….. to move!!!! No longer sitting in my little hole feeling sorry for myself or afraid that I may be seen by others who may laugh at me for watching me complete an activity. Instead this 212 lb girl (lost two more pounds by the way) is running, biking and now swimming in public places at any chance she gets. I learned long time ago if a person matters to you, they don’t mind. And if a person minds what you are doing, they don’t matter. I also realize that this is something I am going to have to work for. Just doing a so,so job is not going to get me the results I want. So I run all through my neighborhood with my head held high, and hope to encourage someone else. To show that one person that is driving to their comfort place to hide from the world that this can be done!

All smiles

First I want to thank you all for your support this week while I was battling problems with my head (I mean headaches, I battle with me head in general on a daily (= …. that will be an ongoing mission.

Yesterday was long and tiring! I really do hate going to the doctors, but at least it is over and done with. Before going to my doctor I got up and took the boys for a 2mile walk. Dropped them off and did a 2 mile run! For my cool down I hopped on my bike and rode around in my neighborhood. When I got home I was a puddle of mess, but I felt so alive. There is something so therapeutic for me when it comes to running. My husband asked me last night why do I think that all of a sudden that I enjoy it so much. It was a good question because in my thinner, healthier days I didn’t even try to run. It was the last thing that I wanted to do, but now that’s all I can think about. If a year ago when I was at 247lbs if someone would have told me that I would begin to enjoy running, I would have laughed and said, “um, you have to be able to run to enjoy it “. At that time I felt so without hope, walking from my car to my building at work was workout enough. Now, I know I have only been running for a month and a half, but every run I see real progress. My breathing, pace, distance, and more importantly my desire is improving. When my husband asked me that question last night I kind of chuckled at him and said “Well because when I’m running I feel like I’m going to fall over dead from exhaustion, but I don’t! That makes me happy.” But then I explained it’s more than that. It’s because I can! Yeah maybe I can’t go as far or as fast as I would like, but I know I will. I was told back in ’05 that I wouldn’t even be alive, and my body has gone through so much, but God gives me the strength to still improve myself, to keep fighting. It’s amazing to see what we can accomplish if we just try. Yeah it may have to be at baby steps, but we all start somewhere. There is something so freeing when I’m out there getting all my worries and stress out on the pavement. A good friend of mine here at work that I admire told me that running is mostly mental and only a small percentage physical. What he meant was there isn’t a lot to what your body has to do, it’s not like learning some line dance that requires coordination and memorizing a bunch of steps. It’s all in your mind. You have to stay focused on your breathing and pace, and keep pushing through whatever discomfort you are feeling. Yesterday in my run I wanted to really push it, I just basically let go of any other thoughts and just went for it. I can’t even describe with words what it felt like, it was as if I could literally feel things melt away from me. All of my concerns and nerves about my upcoming doctor’s appointment seemed so distant. I didn’t want to stop and didn’t have some impulse or leg cramp that forced me too. I came home feeling so encourage, and for once I didn’t feel like I was hopeless.


I also wanted to share this with you all. I was excited when it arrived on Monday. I got to add a new edition to my workout room. It was missing something when you first walk into the room facing the equipment, and now I feel like it’s complete and it totally puts a smile on my face as I am approaching my treadmill or spinning bike. Now I just want to get some new blinds eventually for the room (though, I will wait till they go on sale), and if I can find a small wine fridge on sale I might put that in there too..... you know a place for my WATER, gosh! As tempting as it may sound I don't think with my coordination, wine so near a treadmill would be smart, make a funny Youtube video but not smart (=

Hope you all are having a fantastic end to your week and are looking forward to tomorrow being Friday as I am!!!!

Pineapple

When my husband and I were planning our beach wedding, I wanted to make all of the arrangements and one of my center piece ideas came from the tops of pineapples(wow that sounds a little ghetto, but it was really pretty). All we did was buy fresh pineapple, cut the tops off and I planted them in decorative pots. We went a little over board and bought several before the wedding and not all of them made it, but a few started to get a little bigger. Than once winter time hit they got brown and I really didn’t think they would do anything, but out of curiosity we planted them in bigger pots, and they just got really big. Did a little research with help from Google and found that it takes about three years for fruit to appear.

Well our three year wedding anniversary will be next month, and now we have an early present. We have a baby pineapple. He is so stinking cute, I named him Sponge Bob (I know that the actuall Sponge Bob lives in a pineapple, but close enough). I planted him in our front flower bed right outside our door. Everything else kept dying because of the direct son just blazing down on them, but I love him here! So now it’s official I am a pineapple farmer (=

After I took some cute snap shots of my new family member (Sponge Bob), I walked thirty minutes on the treadmill. I know that is not where I have been at, and at first I felt lazy but I am still battling with a headache. I didn’t want to risk being out in this heat and having a seizure. I use to just get frustrated and think because I struggle with this from time to time, that it will always interfere when I am in a good grove. But a part of this journey is for me to learn to overcome having cancer and learn ways to fight back. So last night I stayed in and though I did not push it I did DO something, and I did it the safe way. To be honest I felt much better for it. Not only was I proud of myself for not just letting it keep me in my bed, I did it in moderation. I was able to sleep a little better than I have been and today the pain is a lot better. And after my workout we got to go cheer my brother on while he sparred in his mix martial arts class (so cool by the way). So tonight I plan on just doing a little more, but still listening to my body. I’m learning if I just do something it helps. I don’t want this to always keep me from being able to live my life.

Yesterday my appetite was back so I had a Green monster for breakfast, a Greek salad for lunch (thanks Aunt Suzanne), and a grilled chicken breast with curry, steamed spinach, and some steamed broccoli.

I have a busy day tomorrow at the doctors, so I may not be able to post but will catch up with all you later in the week!

Just a quick hello

Hope everyone survived the weekend! I am so ready for a new week. The end of last week went downhill very quickly. Someone out there thought it would be fun to send a malicious email to our entire agency so that equaled a lot of work for us. Not complaining about helping everyone but it got crazy busy. I'm not sure if it what the stress of the situation but come Friday I got a terrible headache that lasted through the weekend. I am very thankful that I do not get them as often as I use to, but when I do I still find it a little difficult to bounce back.

I have learned when my body goes through one of these attacks it's best if I get plenty of rest and take it easy so for the past three days that is what I had done. I didn't put a lot of pressure on myself to workout, I just watched my calorie intake.

I did manage to make these Vegetarian South Western Rolls........(warning if you go to Annie's blog it requires some self-control, she has some very tempting dishes) they turned out perfect. They make a ton, and are very inexpensive to make. They would be perfect for a party.


Well since I didn't get a lot of exercise in this past week I was a little worried that the scale wouldn't be so kind, but like I said I didn't over indulge in my eating so I am happy to report that I am down another pound and half. I also remeasured myself this weekend after doing a month on the Flat belly diet, I have lost a total of an inch and a half around my belly (this so excites me!!!!)..... spare tire (for a semi truck) you are going down!!!!!

(p.s. thanks for the kick miss Corletta)

SEEING PROGRESS

Last night for dinner was compromise night. I stated a few weeks back in an earlier post that my hubby loves his meat, and he was willing to go on board with me with eating more fish and other healthy foods but he wanted to have a dish he wants every once in awhile….. so that's what we did last night. We had grilled pork chops with steamed sweet potatoes and grilled asparagus! It was pretty yum!!!!!! Love me some PORK CHOPS (=

A little after we ate I wanted to take the dogs for a little walk since I wasn’t able to the last few days because of all the rain. They were very eager to go, can you tell?!?!?! We started out at a pretty fast walk and about five minutes in we started a nice steady jog. By the end we came shy to hitting 3miles. The only reason why we stopped was because it started to get dark on us. I really wanted to keep going.!!! This was the first time I have ever felt so strong while I was running. When I got back my husband stated that we got back pretty fast and that he can tell my breathing has improved. I didn’t even think about it until he said that, but he was right. I think that is one reason the run went so well, I was able to keep my breathing in control! After I dropped the boys back at the house I took a mile ride on my bike for a cool down…. When I got back home I was pretty pumped that my workout went so well. I am so looking forward to running again!!!!

Nothing else really to report. I was happy that we had some leftover sweet potatoes from dinner. I was able to make a salad out of them for my lunch. (see here displayed in my “Purple People Eater” – thanks Anna)

• (1) cubed Sweet potato that has been steamed and then chilled
• 1/3 cup of Greek yogurt
• 1TBS on honey
• Chopped red onion
• Chopped walnuts

I like this recipes because using the sweet potato is a good source of vitamin C and beta-carotene, and it has Greek yogurt in it! Plus it is a pretty fast and easy dish to make for lunch, who doesn’t love a low maintenance meal (=

Hope you all are having a great day!

My lunch has a new attitude!

Hello to everyone on this fine hump day! Having Monday off really spoiled me and I just want the weekend to come even sooner.

Not too much to report. Last night we tried some wheat raviolis with some marinara,

and a small side salad – total calories were 410 for my meal. The hardest part was my hubby and Evan had some garlic Texas toast……. I had a moment were I really wanted to steal it off of my hubbies plate and just stuff it down my throat, but I managed to maintain my cool.

A few hours after I ate I went to release the stress of my day in my workout room. It has been raining the past few days so I have been stuck indoors for all my workouts, but I feel that I am still getting a pretty good workout once I get in there. Sometimes I think just not getting the choice to go outside makes staying inside a bummer… but rain or shine I got to what I need to do!!
I decided that from time to time instead of just posting pictures of what I am eating I need to post pictures of some of my activity as well. These pictures were taken at the start of my workout. I like switching back in forth between running and biking at 15 minute intervals. I have to say it was very difficult to get into the groove with my hubby walking around the room, but after he got a few I kicked him out (=

An hour and fifteen minutes later, my hair was soaking wet!!! Though I love a good sweat like that. It’s the only time I feel like I am really getting after it.

Well now onto something that made me so excited and will leave you all totally convinced that I am dork, but that should already have been confirmed.. I work for NASA people what do you expect (= I was so happy yesterday to discover that my new lunch box arrived! This is very much intended for kids but it was just what I needed to keep my lunches fun. I always fall into a bad habit of not wanting to pack my lunch and lately I have been good but I wanted to add a little spice, so without further ado here is my new, funky lunch box. I even got to decorate it with stickers!!! It’s great because it has all of these separate compartments and a special lid that keeps all the stuff from running into each other! This is what I packed for lunch today.

Now I just need to come up with a name for her?!?! Any suggestions?

Being Prepared

Hope everyone had a great long weekend, I know I sure did! Got a lot done around the house and got to spend some really good time with family. As of Monday (weigh day) I am down another 2.6 lbs so I am currently at 216.8 lbs!!! I am so excited, that each week it's been a pound or two.

As I have been doing the past few weeks, I use my weekend to prepare myself for the upcoming week. The hubby made the trip to the grocery store and yesterday we went with my grandma and my aunt to a local farmers market, and got stocked up on all kinds of goodies.

This weekend I got a little more creative with my Green Monsters. Each day I tried pairing a different fruit with the banana and spinach. I tried cantaloupe, blueberries, peaches…. But my favorite is spinach, blueberry, banana and a half of a pear!!!! It was so yummy and just what I needed after a good bike ride!

Speaking of bike ride I really got some good use out the bike a friend of ours given me a few months ago . It’s not the fastest and is meant more for trails than just going the distance but it’s a good start and a blessing since it was for free! Bill told me that if I get into biking more that we can save and get me fitted for one (since this bike is a little awkward for me), so something to keep in mind.

Along with biking, I got some really good workouts in this weekend. I took the dogs for a jog and when I came home I pushed myself for an additional 45 minutes on the treadmill. It really is getting a little easier to run. I remember when trying to go two minutes felt more like 30. I still have my days where it’s difficult but I know I am getting there! Beside I am enjoying it.

Another thing that I got to enjoy was making these beautiful creations! They were so good and my boys loved them! We made kabobs both on Friday and yesterday for lunch. We had a pretty big lunch, so for dinner I wanted something that would help fuel me for my evening run but not a lot of work so I made this Tomato Grilled cheese. I lightly brushed canola oil on my whole wheat bread and used (1) slice of low-fat provolone cheese, organic baby leaf spinach, and some tomatoes! It was delish, and perfect for dinner.

I wanted to focus on getting a few things I can have around the house for a healthy snack. During the week I’m good about packing a yogurt or some cottage cheese to go with some fresh fruit, but on the weekends I look at those and want to pass them up. I have gotten a lot better about always having some fruit or veggies to eat with every snack or meal so that is not much of a worry anymore, but what else can I have on hand that I will want. Well I added two new snack items in the house and I have to say this one is my favorite. I finally found some raw cashews (a find at the farmers market) so I paired them with some raisins, and golden raisins. This is a perfect mid day snack!

The other thing I picked up were these crackers (6 crackers is 70 calories), and one wedge of cheese is 35 calories. With some grapes this is a perfect snack size and will be perfect when I need to smother my urge for bread or chips!

I did have one craving all last week that was a little hard to ignore. I stayed focused and made sure I stuck to my eating and exercise and come this weekend I was still wanting it. What is it you ask?…..I’m so happy to tell you….. my down fall…. PIZZA. I love pizza and I can pack it away! I have made a few pizza alternatives in the past with pita bread and veggies on top, but I didn’t want that this time. So my alternative was this. I bought a two pack mini pizzas at 300 calories a piece (1 fits into my 400 calorie a meal plan), with a small salad… it did the trick and I didn’t feel like guilty after wards.

This post has been mostly about me preparing and planning my meal plan for the upcoming week, but I have been working on a small project the past few months that will help me prepare mentally and help me keep my focus the days I want to quit. This is my “Life, Body, Mind and Spirit” board. It has some of my favorite quotes, pictures of my husband and son, demonstrations of some exercises, and some scriptures or revelations that God has given me. It also has pictures of some pretty in shape ladies. I didn’t put pictures of people that I want to look like, cause I am coming to terms with I want to look like me. I put pictures of these ladies because I want to live my life as they are in these photos… running, biking, mountain climbing. My board is hanging on the main wall as I am walking into my workout room. I told my hubby if I have a day when I’m complaining about my weight or I say I feel too lazy to work out, he has permission to tell me to take it to the board!

What about you out there, do you have anything that helps you mentally tackle the bad days?

GET OVER IT

My son just recently turned two at the beginning of August. I cannot express in words how much having him has changed my life. Having him and my husband Bill has given me so much joy! Now, yes they have their days were I want to sale them both to the gypsies but really they are my life. I am very thankful that God has blessed me with my son Evan. Despite what the doctors thought were possible, he is here and healthy!

I enjoy the heck out of being a mommy. I have a few books that I write in for him. I write down ALL the stories, you know the ones…. The first words, first walk, first haircut and all the funny things that he says or does that amazes us. I have a box that has his first year keepsakes, and of course I am always taking tons of pictures. I have several good shots of him alone, and a lot of great ones with him and his daddy… heck and anyone else that isn’t scared of the camera….. which brings me to why I am writing this particular post. I was looking through our pics and I have very few pictures of me and Evan, and the ones that I do have are just of our faces. Now it’s not from lack of people trying. I have snapped at my grandma when I see her coming with her camera….. I always tell her “you better not take any of me”, but in my defense that’s mostly because she is the one in the family that always takes the pictures were everyone’s head is chopped off. So the idea of just my body is not a pretty thought for me. My poor husband has tried countless times to take photos of me and Evan, and I usually go through and delete them all.

Last weekend we got Evan in his kiddy pool and I was in there assisting him on his slide, and my husband started snapping away. We all had a great time and for once I felt great in a bathing suit. It’s one I wouldn’t mind wearing in public because I can chase Evan down and not worry about flashing anyone. So after having fun in the yard we all came in and we started prepping for lunch. I was casually looking through the photos and Bill tells me that I better not erase any pictures. I kind of chuckled at him, and then he got really serious. He told me that he meant it and that he was tired of me always erasing anything that has me in it. My reply was, “I make sure I keep the pictures of you and Evan”….. and then he stopped me dead in my tracks with his next comment, “this family has more than just me and Evan in it, you are a part of this family too. Don’t you want Evan to see that you were a part of his first few years, and that you had fun with him like the rest of us? We look at you and think you are beautiful, don’t punish us because you don’t think you are.”

It’s not always easy to admit when someone else is right. Especially this topic. I don’t know how to explain to anyone how much pain I feel when I see a full body shot of me. I literally feel sick and I feel such an overwhelming impulse just to be angry at myself. For me pictures are the worse. I can get all dolled up, look in the mirror (yes, I own one) and think “hey you look pretty cute today”, but then I see the photo and I’m like “who is that extra person sharing clothes with me? That’s not what I look like!?!?!?” This folks is usually what has derailed me in the past. Seeing just one photo would seriously put me in a state of depression and I would say screw the diet, no use.

You know what? I have to get into the habit of saying “Get over it, and get over yourself”. So what if I’m not happy with my body…… that is why I am working on it! There is no reason to give up, just have to keep moving forward. My husband was so right…….. I shouldn’t erase myself out of our family picture!

This took a lot for me to do but here are some pictures of me and Evan having a great time!








I need to go one step further. I want to start posting a progress picture every three months. I think visually seeing my progress will help me, so for the month of September here is me, currently at 219.4 lbs.

So now that I got that out of the way, it’s time to recap my daily eating and exercise. Yesterday for breakfast I had a Green Monster but this time I added cantaloupe along with the banana and spinach. I also had one whole grain waffle with organic natural peanut butter. Lunch: Curry chicken breast on a whole wheat bun, with side of steamed brussel sprouts. Last night Bill had to work till late and it was just me and Evan for dinner, so I made a turkey taco salad with blue corn chips on the side. It was so good, and my baby boy kept trying to grab all the goodies out of it.

I don’t feel like I got a good workout last night. I tried, but with Bill not being home it was hard to keep Evan’s attention on something so I can work out. It was raining a bit so I couldn’t go for a walk with him so I chased him all night long (= I will make up for it tonight!

Have a great weekend everyone!

WHAT A GOOD FEELING

I have to ask, what is it that gives you your drive? When there are days that you feel like you are never going to reach your goals, what makes you push yourself? When the days you come short of being successful and you know you aren’t doing your best, how do you pick yourself back up and get back on track?

These are the questions that I ask myself repeatedly. When I started this “weight loss” journey, I have to be honest it was for that sole purpose…. Weight loss. Sure I wanted to reap other benefits but that was my main goal. Along the way I realized I want to do this for my son, and not just because when he gets older I don’t want him embarrassed but I want to know that I did my job. I want to do a good job by introducing him to a healthy lifestyle. I’m also doing this so I can say adios to cancer and headaches for good. Before I got diagnosed back in 2005 I was pretty fit and I liked my body for the most part, but once I started going through the crap I gave up, and I felt lost. I started putting myself down, always cracking a joke about my weight (before someone else could), never really wanting to get out….. just sitting in my misery. I was killing myself before cancer could, that’s when I realized that I have to stay on my toes, while I’m down on my knees in prayer. I can’t defeat myself. It’s so easy to pick ourselves apart, and let the opinions of others drag us down…… but you know what, this girl has had enough.

I had a friend of mine at work the other day ask me to list the things that I am proud of… so Shelley this is for you:

• I feel victorious when I go to the grocery store and I make smart, healthy choices and I see the toothpick girls looking at my buggy thinking twice about their options…. Score!
• I like to exercise and I have been really good about getting off my butt and doing what I got to do.
• I say NO all day long to temptations (we love Wendy, but she has a spread of chocolate goodness on her desk)
• Prepare, prepare, prepare…… I am learning to set myself up for success and making sure I have the right tools to get the results that I want!
• And I am getting way better and trusting the process and not beating myself up for where I am currently at….. I’m getting there, and I am fabulous now!

I think the next thing I need to focus on or not be so focused on, is the Time that it is going to take. I have been better at not getting discouraged with the weight not falling off over night. Matter of fact I use to focus on every day…. Meaning two more days till rest day, one more week till a new month. Now I’m like, “wow I went 24 days straight exercising every day”, or “I haven’t cheated on my diet in over 2 months”.

I really feel if I wouldn’t have let myself get so discouraged in the past and would have put forth a real effort I would have already been at my goal weight, but I’m doing that now. So in a year I won’t be talking about the weight I’m losing I will be talking about all the adventures that I am having…. And that helps me keep my focus.

So now that I got some of my emotions out let me catch you up on the week that I am having. I have been on point with my diet and exercise. I have been preparing healthy meals all week long and trying some new recipes, and for the most part all have been a success. The only one that wasn’t for me were these babies here….. this is an egg pesto pin wheel. I’m picky about my egg, and cold egg wrap just not the one for me. The pesto mixture was good, but too much for breakfast…. It would be good in a pasta dish though.

So for lunch I have been eating my veggies and finding anything to put Sabra, Supremely Spicy Hummus on…. This is the BEST store bought hummus I have ever found. So I have been pairing it up with turkey breast, feta cheese, fresh organic spinach on a wheat tortilla…. The best part is it is quick to make!!! Gotta love a lunch that taste great and you don’t have to take a ton of time to make. Another thing that I finally tried was a Green Monster….. and the verdict, I’m addicted! I make one every morning now. I have to say I was a little skeptic when I saw a recipe that told me to steam the spinach first…..the whole time I was making it I was thinking….. “this cannot be good, I’m suppose to drink this?”

So my exercise has been going well. I really feel like I am finally in a zone and when I’m through with a workout I feel like I did my best. The other night the whole family went for a walk and a neighbor spoke to us and made a comment that she can tell that I am losing weight….. isn’t that what every girl wants to hear?