Thursday, May 27, 2010

Bite Your Tongue

So how many of you apply the old saying “if you have nothing nice to say, do not say anything at all” when you’re talking about yourself?

I am a firm believer that the words you speak will create the life you live. I had a habit of always saying to myself and to others “I can’t lose the weight”, “this is way too hard”, “I’m never going to change”, “I’m a hopeless fat slob”. – You know what, when I was saying those things…………. It was true! How can any one change if that is what they are thinking. Speaking those negative words over myself accomplished nothing but eliminating my possibility to succeed.

Instead I’m learning to change my thoughts and speak words of life over my circumstance. If I can’t tell how things may turn out instead of saying it is impossible, I’m going to say….”hmmm, how do I make this a possibility?” I’m also
learning to be happy with the small changes and not be in such a hurry to see the results. It hit me the other day that taking it slow and doing it correctly is setting up a Strong Foundation! I rather have that then a foundation that can be blown away.

Growing up I was always told that I can do anything that I set my heart & mind to. I remember thinking, “yeah, yeah…..sure”, but you know what they were right! (Yeah family you heard me, I said you were right…. Those words taste a lil funny….hehehehe) But the truth is, if I stay determined and focus on the positive things and speak positively I will begin to believe them and one day see them.

So remember everyone, you will create the world you live in by the words you speak…. What does your world look like?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Trust the Steps

We were over at friends house a few weeks ago and they had some really fun outdoor toys, so my husband decided to put Evan at the top of the kid slide. He quickly learned the concept and really enjoyed sliding down, but as soon as it was over he got really upset. Instead of letting us pick him up to put him on the top or let us show him how to climb the ladder he tried walking up the slide. This didn’t go over to well…. A few times he would get so close to the top but then he would slide right back down, or he would just plain fall off. He got even more frustrated but every time we tried to show him the correct way he still wanted to do it his way. We finally just let him explore it on his own and after several minutes went by and a few high pitch screeches he finally found the rungs on the ladder and made it to the top.

I can’t even count how many times I have struggled or got frustrated with this weight loss journey. I have definitely tried to climb that slide backwards thinking I can get to the top quicker and easier but every time as I was half way to the top, I just slid back down to the bottom. I’m learning to use the rungs of the ladder myself. It may not seem as fast or exciting but it will get me there one step at a time!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Happy, Happy Monday

Good morning everyone, and happy Monday. Are we all ready for our week to begin? I wanted to say a Thank you for all of you that have welcomed me back. You guys have no idea how much I have missed you all and really needed to get writing again. I really notice a difference when I’m not blogging it all down and I do not want to go down that path again. So thank you all for not giving up on me and thanks Miss Corletta for still loving me (= (crazy girl )

This weekend I stayed on track with my eating. I basically just prepared for it. I knew I would be busy and not at home for the majority of the weekend so I packed my lunch and had a few things prepared at home so I wouldn’t flirt with the idea of eating out all weekend. I did go last night with my friend Samantha to Olive Garden but I had soup/salad and a few stuffed mushrooms. I was worried that I would want to attack the bread sticks but I didn’t have the urge. I have been noticing that I am starting to realize when I actually am full. I have struggled for years with going hours without eating and then I sit down to eat something and just basically shove it in till it’s gone, it bothered me to see it sitting there, especially if it was smothered in cheese (= So for me I have learned to have three balanced meals a day and a small snack in the afternoon. I am not ready for doing the 5-6 small meals a day because I know I will end up with much larger meals and then I will be eating all day.

I ate well this weekend and though I did not get to do my normal exercise routine I still feel that I got a workout. Saturday my family and I had a garage sale and it was pretty successful but boy it was some work. We live in Texas so by the time we set up everything I was already a pool of sweat. It made for a very long day and by the end of it I was ready to get some rest. Sunday, is my day off from exercising so I didn’t really do much, just some house cleaning. This morning I started my day with a jump start, I had a 45 minute workout on my spinning bike and plan on running with my puppies after work.

Today is our Biggest Space Losers Luncheon & Weigh In. This morning I weighed in at 221 lbs. That’s a total loss of 11.4 pounds this month so far, and there is still a week left for the month!!! I am determined to get under 200 lbs.

One other little thing that I wanted to share that I hope some of you get as excited as I was. Yesterday I had went to my Beth Moore bible study and she had broke down the scripture “This is the day that the Lord has made I will rejoice and be glad in it.” The Hebrew translation of Rejoice means to “spin around”! Man that is so awesome, so everyone please join me and SPIN AROUND on this Monday!!!

Friday, May 21, 2010

No More

That’s right everyone ,No more! I am no longer going to let my fears hold me back. I’m no longer going to let other’s opinion dictate how I feel about myself. I’m no longer going to let my medical condition keep me from doing what makes me happy. And for you all out there in blog land, YOU will No longer have to see my old post about tacos for the next three months (=

So it’s obvious I haven’t kept up with my blog in the past few months, and I’m sad to say that I didn’t really keep up with my diet and exercise. When I last left off I was at 214 lbs, but as of a month ago I was back up to 240lbs. I know exactly what had happened (more about this later).
I got into a state of depression and disbelief that I will be able to make it. I started doubting that I can beat cancer, and that I can overcome my battle with obesity. So I said screw the diet and shoved anything fried and greasy into my mouth. The sad fact was, I really wasn’t happier. It didn’t change the fact that I still have these battles. If anything, after I was done gorging I was left feeling empty and I knew I was failing myself. To make it worse the food wasn’t even satisfying. You all know what I mean….. you tell yourself you don’t have time to prepare a healthy dinner and that fast food sounds good to you. So you get your food to go but half way home you have eaten all you fries( that you can tell had been sitting out for a long time and covered in salt), you get home and sit in front of the couch to realize that they didn’t even make the burger as you wanted it. So after you pick most of the veggies off (the one good thing in the meal that you rationalize to have that burger in the first place), scrap off the unwanted condiment, you devour that burger……… and then what happens ?!?!?! I don’t know about the rest of you but I’m just left me with a bad battle of stomach cramps and wishing I ate something else.

I realized I feel a lot more fulfilled when I eat well balanced meals, and I get fewer headaches when I make exercise a part of my daily routine. This is what I can do to battle my problems! This helps me prepare my body for the battle ahead, it helps me deal with the stress of my situation and it gives me something to be proud of. I know longer want to defeat myself and throw in the towel because I feel like I am lost cause.

As for any battle, we have to prepare ourselves. I no longer what to get caught in this cycle that in one minute I’m on track and the next I let one little event derail my whole cause. So my first step in preparation was looking back at all the times that I felt like I have failed and the times that I completely just stopped…………….. this was no easy task and to be honest I know I still have a lot to acknowledge, but some of the obvious known offenders are:

I have a people pleasing personality: when I first started my new healthy lifestyle I was excited and didn’t let anything hold me back. I learned to say “no thank you” to sweet treats at office parties and family get together. I started making time for exercise, even if that meant getting up at 4 am in the morning so it didn’t change my families schedule. I found time to blog about my journey and received inspiration and encouragement from others on similar paths and found a real outlet to get my frustration out. I also made meal plans for my household and even on the nights that we felt crunch for time I still opted for the healthy choices instead of going out for something quick……. But Then…….

I started feeling guilty when some of my friends/family made comments how they made a special treat just for me, felt guilty that I took time away from my family to go exercise or to blog, and I started caving in when my hubby didn’t want to eat fish and veggies anymore, so we went out and ate way to many foods smothered in Queso.

- I listen to STUPID people: when I’m on track and I start to see results, like my pants getting a little loser and I can tell my face is getting skinner I get a burst of self- confidence. I feel proud that I’m not craving those cheese enchiladas and when I do have cravings I learn how to control them in a healthy way. I get so pumped and I start to feel like “I CAN DO THIS MAN”……. But Then…….

I talk to the village idiot!!!! We all know one. This is the one that tells you, “yeah your probably doing all this work just to put it all back on”, “you may get skinny but you’re always going to have that baby roll”, “wow… you do weigh a lot.

I’m impatient: we have all heard “you didn’t put the weight on overnight, so it’s not going to come off overnight.” When I’m in the groove and I’m getting my workout on and making better food choices I notice a change right away…. And that feels great”……. But Then…….

Maybe a pound or two a week comes off. Or gain a pound or two that everyone says “oh it’s just muscle gain”. Even if that is true…. It’s discouraging. I have found that I have those days that when I know I’m on the right track but I look in the mirror and I second guess everything that I am doing. It’s hard when your kicking but in the gym everyday and eating the right foods and you look at yourself and you feel fatter than ever!

All of the these things get me to where I feel like what’s the use. I start to think that I can’t change it, and I start excusing my actions by jumping off the band-wagon. Well
NO MORE!!!!!

The truth of the matter is I know I can do this. I joined a “biggest loser” competition at work, and I have really enjoyed getting to know everyone. We have a variety of different sizes and health goals. I find it very inspiring and hope to one day be an inspiration to others. At the start of the competition I was at 232 lbs and in two weeks I am currently at 222 lbs. I’m off to a great start and I feel happy again. This is something that I need to do for me. No more worrying about if I offend someone for saying no, and no more worrying when I do have a small “treat”. And as for others thinking that they have a right to judge my looks and my body, I will just remind them that I was “fearfully and wonderfully made in the image and fashion of God himself” and then I may smile and tell them that at least my ugliness doesn’t reside in the inside.

Well guys it’s great to be writing again and thank you all for your sweet comments and prayers. Stay tuned for my next adventure!!!!