My son just recently turned two at the beginning of August. I cannot express in words how much having him has changed my life. Having him and my husband Bill has given me so much joy! Now, yes they have their days were I want to sale them both to the gypsies but really they are my life. I am very thankful that God has blessed me with my son Evan. Despite what the doctors thought were possible, he is here and healthy!
I enjoy the heck out of being a mommy. I have a few books that I write in for him. I write down ALL the stories, you know the ones…. The first words, first walk, first haircut and all the funny things that he says or does that amazes us. I have a box that has his first year keepsakes, and of course I am always taking tons of pictures. I have several good shots of him alone, and a lot of great ones with him and his daddy… heck and anyone else that isn’t scared of the camera….. which brings me to why I am writing this particular post. I was looking through our pics and I have very few pictures of me and Evan, and the ones that I do have are just of our faces. Now it’s not from lack of people trying. I have snapped at my grandma when I see her coming with her camera….. I always tell her “you better not take any of me”, but in my defense that’s mostly because she is the one in the family that always takes the pictures were everyone’s head is chopped off. So the idea of just my body is not a pretty thought for me. My poor husband has tried countless times to take photos of me and Evan, and I usually go through and delete them all.
Last weekend we got Evan in his kiddy pool and I was in there assisting him on his slide, and my husband started snapping away. We all had a great time and for once I felt great in a bathing suit. It’s one I wouldn’t mind wearing in public because I can chase Evan down and not worry about flashing anyone. So after having fun in the yard we all came in and we started prepping for lunch. I was casually looking through the photos and Bill tells me that I better not erase any pictures. I kind of chuckled at him, and then he got really serious. He told me that he meant it and that he was tired of me always erasing anything that has me in it. My reply was, “I make sure I keep the pictures of you and Evan”….. and then he stopped me dead in my tracks with his next comment, “this family has more than just me and Evan in it, you are a part of this family too. Don’t you want Evan to see that you were a part of his first few years, and that you had fun with him like the rest of us? We look at you and think you are beautiful, don’t punish us because you don’t think you are.”
It’s not always easy to admit when someone else is right. Especially this topic. I don’t know how to explain to anyone how much pain I feel when I see a full body shot of me. I literally feel sick and I feel such an overwhelming impulse just to be angry at myself. For me pictures are the worse. I can get all dolled up, look in the mirror (yes, I own one) and think “hey you look pretty cute today”, but then I see the photo and I’m like “who is that extra person sharing clothes with me? That’s not what I look like!?!?!?” This folks is usually what has derailed me in the past. Seeing just one photo would seriously put me in a state of depression and I would say screw the diet, no use.
You know what? I have to get into the habit of saying “Get over it, and get over yourself”. So what if I’m not happy with my body…… that is why I am working on it! There is no reason to give up, just have to keep moving forward. My husband was so right…….. I shouldn’t erase myself out of our family picture!
This took a lot for me to do but here are some pictures of me and Evan having a great time!
I need to go one step further. I want to start posting a progress picture every three months. I think visually seeing my progress will help me, so for the month of September here is me, currently at 219.4 lbs.
So now that I got that out of the way, it’s time to recap my daily eating and exercise. Yesterday for breakfast I had a Green Monster but this time I added cantaloupe along with the banana and spinach. I also had one whole grain waffle with organic natural peanut butter. Lunch: Curry chicken breast on a whole wheat bun, with side of steamed brussel sprouts. Last night Bill had to work till late and it was just me and Evan for dinner, so I made a turkey taco salad with blue corn chips on the side. It was so good, and my baby boy kept trying to grab all the goodies out of it.
I don’t feel like I got a good workout last night. I tried, but with Bill not being home it was hard to keep Evan’s attention on something so I can work out. It was raining a bit so I couldn’t go for a walk with him so I chased him all night long (= I will make up for it tonight!
Have a great weekend everyone!