I conquered the beasts!!!

Look at these faces. ……Trust me looks are deceiving, they only look sweet and innocent. What we have here are two 13 month old that love a good game of tug of war….. there opponent, me! They are getting much better and in the past week I have seen a great improvement with their loose leash walking. About a month ago my best bud Olivia came over in the morning and she would walk one, and I walked the other. Now I am able to walk both at the same time. Though the first 5-10 minutes I still get one hell of an upper body workout trying to get them to walk at my side and not pull. Though I have really enjoyed their company.
For the past week and half I have been walking with either my puppies or my sweet little Evan (the days that aren’t too cold). I am walking twice a day from anywhere from 3-5 miles at a time.

I have really enjoyed getting up early and getting on the pavement before the world wakes up. I don’t have to worry about a bunch of cars passing me, or other dog walkers….. just me and the boys. Yesterday morning was just a great morning. I got up at 4:15 and walked both dogs for about 2 miles. I brought one back and ran with the other one for 1.5 miles without stopping!!!! I was so happy. I know it may not seem far to some, but for me accomplishing just 1.5 took me farther than you realize. It helped me prove to myself, that I am getting there and I WILL do this.

For some who have been reading my blog will know I have mentioned that the past few years have not been easy for me phyicaly or mentally. In 2005 I was diagnosed with brain cancer and went through the past few years of chemo, radiation and so many steroids. When I first got diagnosed with cancer I was on the thick side, but never really over weight. I know that my first priority was to beat cancer, but I started letting it beat me emotionally. There was a time that I thought I would not live another five months. I got depressed and soooo tired. It was hard on what decisions I needed to make, and not to make. I remember when I experienced my first weight gain from the amount of steroids I was on, it was the same time that my hair started falling out. I was single at the time, and I remember thinking who would want me now? I was so blessed that God put my now husband Bill in my life. I know that was not an easy decision for him to get in a committed relationship with someone who he thought he could lose in a blink of an eye. I know that we all know that one day it will happen, but trust me when facing something like this it really puts it in perspective. During this time Bill was so encouraging and loving. Even bald and all of my different flava wigs………… I felt beautiful. My weight continued to fluctuate during this time. I also noticed that being in Love caused me to want to eat…. I guess that whole, “I got a man so I can eat all I want, not shave my legs and rock my bald head”. In October of 2007 we had a small beach ceremony, it was so perfect! I can’t remember ever being happier. I remember my older brothering telling us (he was the preacher man) that he knew Bill had loved me cause he saw past all of my physical problems. No matter what I look like, I have been beautiful to him. Two months after being married I shocked my doctors….. the impossible happened. I got pregnant, and the cancer was put in remission. On August 9, 2008 our beautiful baby boy was born. We named him Evan (which means a gracious gift from God, and little warrior…… both are so true). After my pregnancy I started having problems again but all of the treatments seemed to drastic, with little hope. I know that I have been healed, and will live a long life. I use wisdom but I have learned not to always believe the doctors report. I know that I have struggled with feeling like I have no control of my situation. In some cases I didn’t have control, but why not take it back. That’s how I felt when I first got sick, and my hair started falling out….. I just shaved that sucker!!!!

That’s what I am doing now. Little by little I am cutting all the things that have had control over my emotions for that past couple of years. I am regaining the control over my life!